my sudden urge to blog

hm. sometimes, i wish i could take life more seriously. take school more seriously. but, i don't see a point. i guess i've always known/thought that no matter what, i'll always be okay. no matter how little i try, i'll manage..just because i always have. the whole concept of studying all night and pulling allnighters for one test seems pointless to me. i'd rather have my sleep because i'd most likely wake up late and miss the whole test completely which would be a bigger waste of time. i think it's ironic that i've never been into school, i've never enjoyed studying, i never cared much for the grades, yet i want to be a teacher? i guess since i have hit a serious depression in my life two times (the second dragging on for longer than what i had hoped for) i refrain myself from being unhappy. i refuse to be stressed. especially over school. i'd rather stay at occ longer than cram my classes in and just get into ANY class, no. hell no. i look up all my teachers before actually agreeing to take the class. i carefully think out my schedule in order to stay away from stress. i have a lot of energy, yet i'm the laziest when it comes to studying. i refuse to overwork myself when it comes to school. i don't think that the key to a good life is success. i've never cared much for money. i don't want to be something in life for the money. i don't want to be something because it makes money. that has never and will never be my goal in life. i'll always have a secret hate towards those who determine what they want to be in life based on the "success" they'll have. what good does success do if your priority in life is money. it's ironic that i say all this because i spend money like it's nothing. i make money like it's nothing. i'm so grateful that i have a job that tips cashiers and hostesses. i'm grateful that i love my job and have so much fun working. i'm grateful that my paychecks are usually about 400. i'm grateful that on top of those paychecks, i make 100 a week on average from tips. but, even though i make that money, it doesn't mean i'm just wasting it ALL away. i pay for everything myself. my car. my gas. my schooling. my insurance. my share of the phone bill. it's all me. and i'm proud of it. i know my responsibilities, i know that school should be a priority. but, it's not easy when your family makes less than 40grand a year and you NEED to pay for your own stuff. school may be a priority, but work is a necessity. i am a workaholic. but, because i kind of need to be. i'll always envy those who honestly only have to study. everything else is pretty much taken care of. i'll always secretly hate those who complain about school, who complain about school when that's all they have to do. although my parents want me to go to a uc, ever since highschool started, i never thought of it as an option just because of the finances. how would i be able to go to a uc when it costs more than what my family makes.