fuck boys.

this is my rambling.

i wish my life was what i expected it to be. i feel like everything is going good for me, but...of course. there's that missing part that i can't exactly figure out. when i think to myself, i find myself thinking the same thing. boys can't be trusted. when i'm thinking about different relationships. about the relationship that other people have. boys can't be trusted. as nice of a guy you may be, boys at this point, are selfish. maybe i have this sub conscience mentality about boys that disallow me to fully put myself out there. i expect HIM to talk to me first. i expect HIM to initiate hanging out, because this will prove to me that he's willing to put in effort. i'm sick of putting in effort. not for just boys, but in general. effort only pays off when it's appreciated and returned. it irks me when people have time for others...and make time for others but don't give in as much effort towards me because i'll always be "there". i'm sick of being "convenient" i want to be the person you put time in to hang out with. not someone you hang out with because it's convenient. i know i have a busy agenda and it may be hard to make plans. but it's the thought that would make it worth the friendship. it's the attempt. hence the reason for that failed "best friendship" with someone i realized i am nothing alike. and yes i understand that a best friend is not someone you're exactly like but. a best friend is someone who is there. and i guess our lives were just way different. the way we were raised. the environment we're in. our mentality. i'm too independent. she can't think for herself. i've got bills to pay. she's got some whack clothing to buy. i couldn't stand the fact that she wasn't understanding and considerate. she wasn't understanding and considerate. i don't care that the friendship ended. i'm annoyed when i even think about her. think about what i did. the effort i put forth. picking her up, dropping her off all these years. trying to include her. thinking memories made were important even though she could care less who her memories were with. annoyed. always will be. this is my rambling.